Monthly Mishaps
by extraordinaire
Summary: For Kat. AU. The clothes? The attitude? The longing for transvestites? Naruto and Sasuke both concluded that it just had to be that time of the month.


**Monthly Mishaps  
**for Kat

* * *

"Oh no…"

Sasuke cringed with fear along with the blonde next to him.

Why or why did Kami-sama have to create this terrible thing their (wonderful, amazing, gracious, curvaceous, sexy, beautiful) women had to have? They were old enough (and smart enough—well, the Uchiha, anyways) to know that it was needed for lots of things, such as having kids (and boy did Sasuke need _that_ help).

But it caused them such distress, that sometimes they believed that they shouldn't even deal with women.

Transvestites were looking _very_ appealing at the moment.

But before either of them could go onto the computer, via la porn, or even the phone to call up Sasuke's old college mentor, Orochimaru, since he's pretty good at getting some prostitutes, or even a nice tranny, the door opened and all their fears became real.

Naruto's mouth gaped at his girlfriend for her attire was more appropriate for a strip club rather than a visit to her lover. Sasuke, after taking his eyes of the wrong girl, turned to the right one—THE one—who looked rather pissed at the moment, if her glaring eyes and _leave-me-alone_ attitude didn't already state in large, orange neon letters, atop a building in Vegas—_prostitute city. _

She snorted angrily, crossing her arms across her sweatshirt-covered chest, her hair in a high ponytail, trying to hide the obvious greasiness it held. Her lips were in a thin line, and Sasuke just knew he was in trouble before he even uttered a single word.

"Naruto!" Ino snapped, catching he boyfriend's attention. He looked up from her exposed chest, wondering how her dad let her out of the house. 'She probably borrowed some of her mom's clothes…'

After questioning her clothing once more, his eyes met with her cerulean ones, "Yes, sugar?" Sasuke smirked at his best friend's pathetic attempt to get on her good side.

"Shopping. Now." She yanked her boyfriends arm, pulling the innocent victim out of the house, his now-full wallet about to be emptied faster than he could say _dattebayo_. The disposition Naruto was in practically screamed, _'why oh why didn't I get together with Hinata?'_. And no one could agree with him more—especially Hinata. And maybe even Ino, with this _thing_ she has going against her.

Once they were out of the house, Sakura quickly turned the tables—her frown transformed into a malicious smirk, walking towards her boyfriend as if she were on the prowl. On the prowl for trouble and blood and all things bad.

Sasuke gulped, looking toward the calendar that hung on the side of his oak cabinets. The whole week (or five days—depending on the outcome and how terrible it was) had been highlighted in red. A replica of the diseased set of papers was kept in Naruto's kitchen, explaining why the blonde was over this morning.

They were hiding.

But somehow Sasuke was less afraid, for Ino had gone.

Sakura was just Sakura—menstruating or not.

And it was only scary with Sakura and Ino because they were _'that-time-of-the-month'_-buddies, as the pinkette had once explained the night she got drunk after Sasuke graduated from law school. She had said that there was a club with the gals, each having their own buddy.

She was (un)fortunate enough to get the craziest one.

And for a slight second there, Sasuke said a prayer for Naruto.

"Sasuke-kun…" She was heading towards him fast, and using that seductive tone that made him so mad and horny at the same time. Mad, because he was horny. And if he was horny, he was sure to make a move on her.

But see, he couldn't.

And she was just pure evil.

"Sakura, stop," He practically ordered, moving against the counter, trying to hide the nervousness he felt. It was almost as strong as something tightening _down there_. He blushed at the mental images coming through his head, and then came red.

Was it the blood that dripped when he got a shot at the hospital last week? Was it the blood that ran through his system, keeping him healthy?

No, it was Sakura's blood—and it was stopping him.

He sighed when she sat on his lip, pushing him onto the counter, grinding her hips against his.

"Sakura, stop it." He pushed her and she feigned a look of hurt as regret washed over his face. He really was too easy.

But then he thought about it.

Naruto was out with his crazy girlfriend of nine months, paying for anything her sore and hungry eyes see, and watching her try on endless amount of clothes that won't really fit her because she's so bloated.

And Sasuke was here, being seduced by his girlfriend who happened to be really hot, even if she was in sweats and looked like she was ten pounds heavier—not that he'd ever say such a thing. He learned his lesson last month.

(now that he thought about it, his nose was never really perfectly aligned ever again)

But he knew that he had the upper hand.

And so what if he had a crazy, hormonal girlfriend?

He was going to make those Uchiha babies somehow, right?

* * *

Yo! This is for Kat, or xKATASTROPHE.- 'cause she left this review on one of my stories that just inspired me. Don't ask.  
(I love you, by the way)

It's pretty short and pretty airy and pretty weird, but so is life. And NaruIno. And SasuSaku. And me.  
(and you too, KAT!)

-


End file.
